How am I being remembered?

The wise man says, Identity is built within the family and nurtured by friends. You groom yourself to be someone, to be identified as an individual and remembered by most. Like most people, my parents gave me an identity and my friends, from the distant past, nurtured them. All is perfect until after many years and a lot of distance between those friends, I kind of don’t know how they remember me as. Did I ever have an identity? When they think of me, how do they recollect me as a person? Guess I would never know!!!!

He was my class mate from school and was remembered to be highly energetic and smart. He was a hit with the fairer sex and on most days was seen mingling with them, more often than not. Dare I say that he is no more like that! As we moved on to college, his love for music and dancing brought him, more and more company and friends, but he never gave up on the older ones. I always remember him for his patience and light heartedness. He is truly a great friend and in the spirit of F1, I would never mind taking P2, if he was P1. A Hugh Hefner of the 21st century, he is the real Iceman for me...

My one time neighbour and ‘Dog-Walking buddy’ was the coolest of all. He was nicknamed Viper, keeping his crazy, but controlled, driving skills in mind and if you ever wanted to experience NFS for real, you better strap up your seat belts in his company and breeze through the winding sub-urban roads. His decisions, thinking and actions were truly a few years ahead of time. I always secretly admired his wisely words and matured decisions. He has been an inspiration for all and has always been there for all, let it be family or friends. He is the closest thing to the wise man for me...

His dressing was refined and he spoke only when needed, like a true gentleman. I never understood him completely, I guess most of us never did, but whatever we could understand of him, he was simply amazing. He always had an air of mystery surrounding him which would keep all thinking. He always sported a smile on his face. A man of few words but limitless style. The way he would hold the glass or get his suit stitched to fit or hold the cigarette, it was always noticed and tried out. He is no less than the James Bond of the circle and truly reflects the DON in his style...

Many still believe he is not grown by the years and his actions justify the child in him. The joker, peacemaker, lover-boy or just the kid-from-the-block who can keep us all in splits, at any time of the day or night. His sense of humour did get irritating on most days but to think about it now, he brought us all on neutral ground. He was never taken seriously and always had an opinion, which may or may not fit the situation. In the end of the day, eyes wide open starring at the ceiling; I wish I could be like him for one day and understand what would make him so jovial, always...

Who am I in the scheme of things!!! I would never know. Guess I never had an identity to fit in the group. Guess I am never remembered, and that’s why we are no more together...

NOTE: See what a free mind can do, it takes you to the deepest & darkest corners of your human self and makes you feel so lonely. Try it, it helps realising you have much more than you actually need. We have memories that keep us alive and ticking every day.

What did you think of today???

Lights, Colours & Nostalgia...

Yup, the lights and colours are back to remind us of all the happy days from the past and to add some more colour to our present and future

5.30AM, my mother woke me up from deep sleep on a cold November Ferozpur morning. Her agenda, I should burst the loudest cracker "The Lakshmi bomb" and remind the entire colony that it’s a Diwali morning and it’s time for the best day of our lives. I was 13 and I was feeling too old to get out of bed and do all this. I felt too old to be doing these things but my mother’s enthusiasm was over my emotions. I would never know if she did it for herself or she was excited for my brother and I on this occasion. I burst the bomb, she smiled and the day of joy for a family, as I remember it, had just begun.

2 years later, it was early noon and my brother and I were experimenting with “Atom Bomb”, The green coloured jute thread wrapped bomb that usually caused a lot of discomfort to the old , the dogs and the already noisy babies of the area. Some of you might remember the Amul Cheese tins that were in demand during the early nineties. We found a few empty ones, placed an “Atom Bomb”, inverted the empty tin over the bomb and light the wick... BOOOMMMM!!!!!.... Where did the damn can go? A few seconds later something fell close to us, it was the tin without the bottom. The bottom must have been blown away to pieces, but we were wrong. After a good 2-3 minutes, a ring fell close by. It was the bottom of the tin and it must have flown very high into the sky to come down this late. We both smiles and a day of experiments, as brothers, had just begun.

Few years later during junior college days, my friends and I collected a selected few crackers like spiralling rockets, loud rockets, coloured rockets, whistling rockets, bomb rockets and more rockets. We kept the bottles inclined on the road and shot the rockets parallel to the road. This was dangerous but I must confess somewhere down under, we were enjoying this in an evil way. The rockets hit a few four wheelers and two wheelers, so we decided to shoot the rockets with a better angle, this time keeping a small stone under the bottleneck. The rockets were more evil than our intentions and landed in the bathroom of the girl’s house who hated our guts. Unfortunately, it was her father who was in the loo and we had to do the only thing that commonly came to our minds.... Run!!!! The days of Running had just begun

Diwali during engineering college was less noisy but equally fun. Myself and Vicky would be the only few students who would not go home to celebrate Diwali. Instead, on one occasion, we had a couple of drinks, picked a friend’s RX100 and hit the road towards the forest searching for a female ghost draped in a white sari carrying a candle (imagine what alcohol can do!!!). We waited till late night, in vain and the stupid babe never turned up. We started our bikes for back home, practised some wheelies and landed in the Sugarcane fields once the front wheel was high up. Picked up self, the bike and searched for the rider who was fisting the road for not being able to complete the wheelie for a longer duration. Somehow reached the hostel room and got the bike repaired the next morning along with a few glasses of lime juice to cut the hangover from the previous evening. The days of drinking on Diwali, with friends, had just begun.

Diwali 2 years back, some miniature lanterns with small candles inside, colourful rangoli’s, a lot of diya’s collected by mother from all the years and the four of us together. Sweets were prepared at home, new clothes were customary for all four and the entire house was lit well beyond our imagination. My mother lit a few sparklers, dad was trying his hand at a few bombs and brother was sending rockets way up, while I was capturing memories for all. We finished our small celebration in 15 minutes, ate sweets and vada’s, feasted on some lovely dinner made by mom and hit the sack. While in bed, I looked up and thought, this was to be the last Diwali as a family, as this family!!! The days of expanding my family, losing some and gaining others, with love lost and found, had just begun.

These are my memories of the life that revolved around Diwali... all of you have one, revisit them, since Diwali is a season of Lights, colours & nostalgia....

Happy Diwali to all!!!!

The Bucket List... Irony

It was so easy to think that I can have a bucket list in place and also relive them at a certain stage in life. The Irony is, unlike in the movie, Jack Nicholson was an extremely rich guy who just didn't know what to do with all the money. He just convinced Morgan Freeman to accompany him. In my case, I am the Morgan Freeman and although I am not looking for a Jack for company or money, I am not entirely convinced that I would ever have enough for any/many items in my list.... (Sighhh!!!!)

I was just toiling over the thought of a trip to Bhandavgargh & Kanha National reserve and the expenses keep adding up. Forget even the cost of the trip, I would need to have at least a basic telephoto lens to shoot in the wild. And then there are travel costs that suddenly show up. Even the minuscule things such as the basics of wildlife photography need to be in place before making such a trip. Now the best part, I am still planning to travel in India and worried about the cost. One of the items in my list was to visit Masai Mara in Africa. Imagine how big a hole that would burn in one's pocket!!!!

After all the pondering over the trip, estimating the cost and feeling low about the current situation (Which all happened in the last 15 min), I have finally decided to continue writing about the Bucket list...

The thought of being to those places in itself is a wonderful feeling. I think that's why many have a bucket list. To revisit the memories of feeling nice and being in peace. To have a sense of surreal accomplishments that surrounds the never ending chaos.

The feeling of waking up to the birds chirping, sitting beside the musical trickling of water down the stream, feeling the hardened & dry surface of the desert, listening to the crackling sounds of the waves crashing on the shore, gently rubbing your arms for some warmth on a chilly mountain escapade or just lying under the dark night sky with the creatures of the twilight giving you company... These are the things that inspire us to write the bucket list....

Mine is on the way, Is your ready!!!

Few more things to do

I was just pondering on the thought of what are the things in life that I wanted to have and have I achieved them. And I was surprised to figure out that I have got most of what I wanted.

I finished my education for good, drove the best bike I could, bought a car, worked with a MNC, married the girl of my dreams, been on splendid vacations, had more friends than anyone could imagine, lived independently in a hostel, partied till sunrise, tasted all kind of cuisine's, drank the best wines, the list just goes on........

These were the things I wanted to do. Others just happened. There are a few more final things I want to do before I call it a day. I am waiting for the 4000 mark, buying a Royal Enfield Bullet, a rucksack with a sturdy tent, quit my job and let the roads take me where they can. I want that peace and its not far... 30 years of living life in the institutionalised way has got me. Its time to spread the wings. I will give myself 5 years at most in this so called "system". That's the target and I hope to achieve the remaining targets by then...

Then I am of....!!!!

Inner Thoughts

As an adolescent, most of us dreamt of living free. Young blood within would make us a rebel to most things around. Be it our annoying class rooms, the dismal food prepared at home, nagging parents or just simply the schedule of our daily being. As we grow older and take care of our earnings, the daily bragging about how sad our job is and the continuous dismay with our organization is nothing but a feeling of dissatisfaction not with our job or anything; it is something calling from within our head. Living is like serving a life sentence, at a highly protected jail. Or as Morgan Freeman in “Shawshank Redemption” says, we were institutionalized and we don’t have a chance outside.

But I would dream of a life outside. I would want to do something different from what was being done. Obviously most of the people around said that I was just being a cranky adolescent kid. But it was more than that for me and I could not explain the feeling to anyone since I myself could not decipher the thoughts within.

It has taken me a little over 12 years to get a better understanding of what I really want and believe me, the thoughts are not easy to handle or express. In fact, the thoughts are like a storm in our head, sometimes creating waves of thought and other times hidden far away in the back of our head. My thoughts started to be more outwardly towards the world, as I saw the world. There was just one thought running in my head every time I sank into my head.

I wanted to attain peace within and be part of the unselfish natural world. I wanted to connect with nature and submit my entire life to it. I wanted to get away from the cacophony of the institutionalised world.

This thought, although unclear to all of us in our younger days, has crept in almost every individual’s head, at least once in his life. It creeps in as the expression of a rebel in our adolescent days and turns into a more subtle state of denial towards the daily chores we do. Our bond with people and the pain that others may encounter, burry our thoughts deep within and do not allow us to explore our true need.

I am not sure who would have the answers to whether we should do what our heart and mind feels, but I know one thing is for sure, both ways, we ourselves have to walk the path. And that’s why I think the day is not far when we would unshackle the chains and head out to find our true self.

Imagine walking a lonely trail deep within the green forest with the birds chirping and the leaves swaying to create a musical. Your feet crushing the dead leaves and broken twigs and the sound of a stream flowing nearby. As you are thinking of all this, your present state of mind will hit back at you and ask you, how many hours can you do this? Do you think you have an answer? Think again...

The truth is you already have the answer when you asked yourself the question. This question is one of the million questions that act as obstacles to our inner self and the thoughts associated to it.

A Glimpse of the Elusive Cat... The Leopard

It was an early evening safari into the Rajiv Gandhi National Park at Kabini. The heavy lunch was not helping and the jungle trails ahead were not some of the best. A look above the horizon and the sun was getting the best of you. Most say it was a perfect setting to sight the Big one - Tiger.

We waited for a bit at the beginning of the park to register ourselves for passing the National Park. As we waited, a nip of breeze was in the air and the silence was not too comforting. It was around 3.15PM, the sun was gazing bright at you and the birds were at their loudest best. As we started our drive on the webbed trails in the jungle, we noticed the dryness all around. Mid autumn and controlled burnings of the plantations around the trail was not visually too pleasing, but these were the best conditions to sight the Big One. We were the first vehicle in the forest and it was good as we could catch the mammals in their natural environment, undisturbed, at least till we pass by.

10 minutes into our treacherous drive on the rugged roads of the trail, we found some wild elephants who were not happy with our presence. And they made their intentions pretty clear by waving their head from side to side and trumpeting loudly. We spotted another larger male by a tiny waterhole. He too was not happy in our company but watched from a distance.

Quick facts: Only the male Indian Wild Elephants have tusks, the females do not have much to show-off.

As we drove further on our trail, we noticed numerous Chital (Spotted Deer) crossing the road. Our friend and Naturalist, Kuttapan says that this place is in abundance with this kind of herbivores who don't seem too surprised in our company. Although curious, they seemed not surprised at all. Their dotting eyes and continuously moving ears was searching for other predators. For once humans were not in the top of the predator list.

As we drove by, we saw forest officials burning the greens along the trail. They do this often to keep a clearing between the trail and the thick vegetation. For obvious reasons that the cats and other predators camouflage well with the surroundings and a little clearing helps keep them at bay and safe guard tourists at the park.

Quick thought: Is it really wild when you are trying to control the wilderness!!!

Our search for the Big Cat took us to many small waterholes within the park and finally to the banks of the river Kabini. As we entered silently, at least thats what we thought, we were welcomed by the gazing eyes of numerous Spotted Deer, Sambar Deer, Wild Boar and small groups of Elephants. Although evening was near (4.20PM) and the heat was not at its highest, all animals wanted to drink as much of the last drops of water they could. After all night fall was near and this is "Tiger Country" and the cats rule the nights.

Just over an hour in the safari and we were still deprived of finding a cat. We switched multiple trails and headed to more waterholes. Although we spotted a lot of deer and a few more Elephant families. The cats were truly missing. Or were they...

We spotted a lovely Peacock walking ahead of us on the trail. He surely was not surprised in our presence and continued his lazy walk on the trail. Suddenly, for some reason, he stopped, panicky look on his face and a few quick turns to see and hear around. In a jiffy, he flew away right beside our vehicle in the opposite direction of the one we were facing. Something was there... we could feel it. But where...

Our driver whispered and asked none of us to talk. His finger pointed in a certain direction and our eyes searched through the thick dry vegetation. After a few tense minutes of scanning the dry grass, we finally saw something starring right back at us. It was a Leopard and was not more than 50 feet from us. A super blend of shiny golden brown skin with black dotted spots on the skin was very well camouflaged in the shrubs and grass. He was almost invisible. As I silently worked on my lens to get a shot of the beauty, a sudden purring was too prominent and too close. I could suddenly hear my heart beat and the feeling was not the best I have had. Maybe it was the heat but a few drops of sweat did work around my forehead. I worked my lens closer to us but in the same direction only to find another Leopard, about 20 feet from us and better hidden than his partner. This was where the purring was coming from and it was a clear warning. A few shots of both most Elusive of cats and we where off on the trails again. Although not a Tiger, but a Leopard is one of the most rarest caught on camera and I was happy to have 2 on my shutter.

With the sun beaming through the trees and creating shadows of sorts, I was happy and disappointed at the same time. Happy to see some Cats in the wild and sad to have missed the Tiger.

As we searched for more trails we spotted some lovely wild squirrel and a group of Deer being chased by Langurs, for a change. We saw some lovely ghost trees all over the forest and I should tell you that they are a lovely sight to watch. They are Golden in colour and shine bright. It is their Bark that they shed away to grow newer ones revealing their inner skin which is golden in colour. It has no leaves in the process and looks like a ghostly tree from one of the Chain saw movie's.

Around 6.30PM and our hunt for the majestic big cat was coming to a almost tiring end when we saw some movement in the grass on our right. I kept and my camera ready and hunted the grass line with my lens for more movement and something that may catch my eye. With in minutes, Another large male Leopard appeared form the grass and came half way through the clearing before he stopped to assess the movement around. We were about 70 feet from him at this point and we had more worried eyes than him. He must have been more than 6 feet from nose to tail his majestic stance at the edge of the trail was simply a treat to watch. As I focussed through my lens I noticed him starring right back and it was not a very happy feeling that I had. The Lemony eyes had less of curiosity and more of aggression. He majestically crossed the trail behind us and gave us another stare at the end of the trail before he disappeared in the dry vegetation.

We were holding our breadth for a while before heading back out of the park. Nightfall was not far and this really was not our backyard. As we left the park, there was no regret that we could not find the Tiger, but I was sure a few Tigers did have a long glance at us. After all this was Tiger land and we were not invited.

Thought for the next trip over a beer: A friend of mine and a renowned wildlife expert once told me never to go searching for a Tiger and that is the day you will spot one.

The Bucket List

What would 2010 bring for me!!!

Although a bit late to put the mind to work, but the consistent thought of preparing a list of things to do till my end comes sounded like an excellent option.

In 2010, I look to prepare a list of all those things that I want, all those places that I would love to visit, all the scintillating food that my palate would like to devour and finally, the retirement plans would be thought upon.

With no random list as such (Although this is the Bucket List of Sorts), 2010 will give my personal life some direction. When I say personal, I dont know if I can take my better half to some of those places or be with my friends drinking the best of wine and cheese, All I can say is, this is me and I will be there in all those places.

To start of the list, I would love to visit “The Cotswolds”

The Cotswolds is a range of hills in west-central England, sometimes called the "Heart of England", an area 25 miles (40 km) across and 90 miles (145 km) long. The area has been designated as the Cotswold Area of Outstanding Natural Beauty. The highest point in the Cotswolds range is Cleeve Hill at 1,083 ft (330 m),[1] 2.5 miles (4 km) to the north of Cheltenham. The name Cotswold means either "sheep enclosure in rolling hillsides"[2] or it comes from the term "wold" meaning hills.

The rich green farms cover the land till where one’s vision can drop. The English are known to walk a lot and where else to do it better than here. There is a 250km long walk-way running through the hamlets and villages. More importantly, most of the distance passes through private land and that brings you closer to the real world of the people living here. The taste of bitter beer in one of the Inns would be a treat to my thirsty lips and when it’s all done, the famed English Tea by the fireplace would be the icing on the cake.

Hmmm, that’s one among the list of places I would want to go to.

Boy, this year’s going to be fun…

Sachin Tendulkar... My God

"Cricket is my religion and Sachin Tendulkar is my God." A famous one-liner we have heard for many years.

I was in office when someone screamed he is on 182 and he stands a good chance of beating his previous record and the world record maybe.

I logged in to the live coverage on one of the popular websites and witnessed him scale his highest score. A few more minutes and he was waving to the scores of Anwar as they were history and out of the record books. A colleague called me and asked me to accompany him to a showroom close by to view history being made.

It was 6PM and my colleague had an important client call and as we were running down the steps he said that even a client can wait for this. just outside the office, we saw some people gather around a barber shop. We ran in to find a sweet spot.

A 14" TV and a room not bigger than 5 by 8. We were 20 people and the volume was loud. It felt that i maybe at the stadium. Dhoni not giving Tendulkar strike was frustrating for a while but he finally gave the man his bit. I looked around and saw fingers crossed, knuckles cracked and feet restless.

199 was the score and he needed 1 to make history. I was thinking at that very moment, who do i pray to? Tendulkar was my God and he was at 199, who do i pray to for him to reach 200? By the time my mind could race for an answer, he tapped the ball to cover and took the single to make history. i could breath again...

His success comes from being humble. I wish we all learn that from him.

Long live Tendulkar....

Body and Mind is demanding a Break

Have you felt that you have had enough of the worldly chaos, noise and necessities? Well, if you are, then its time you join the boat.

Its that time when your boss starts to look like a monster and work looks like a jail with all people around looking like Institutionalized beings (Shaw-shank Redemption.

The body says, why are you trying to wake up in the mroning and hit the road to office, just lay a while more in bed... The mind says, am i really needed at work and for the numerous meetings ahead.

I need the wilderness for a while. The thought of spending time with the greenery and noise of insects is prominent in my dreams and the boring meetings. What should one do for these things? Breaks cant be too affordable every 4 months... Then how does one satisfy his mind and body... maybe a trip to the spa would help...

I dont know... But i am totally messed up right now.

...Peace...

Sambhar-Rice....

Isn't it is difficult to try and forget people. We go on trying and pretending to not actually think about them and we do a good job at it, most of the time.

But then just a small instance brings back all the memories and floods your head with thoughts and heart with emotions. Then you become worried, nostalgic and happy at the same time. In short, your Mind-F*#$ed....

We make lives so complicated for ourselves and we pretend to think that things are going as planned...

Sambhar-Rice over dinner last night triggered these thoughts in my mind

Parted with my First Love

In the summer of 99, a 12 grade adolescent wanted to graduate to the world of biking. His eyes were looking for the perfect lady to accompany him for the journey ahead. There were a few ladies at that time that could stand apart. The Yam (Yamaha RX100) would be of first choice as it was a beauty and would kill just by the stare, but that was too common a girl to hang around with. More like a clone of the best babe around and you never felt that you actually were walking down with only one of its kind. So the hunt continued until some the day a dark, tall and lean girl passed by.

That was it!!!! This will be the girl of my dreams she is the one i will ride along for many years to come. SUZUKI SHOGUN... The BOSS.

Thanks to dad and i had the best bike in business. She took me places from day one. She was more like a good luck charm. Every thing fell in place from the day i brought her home and introduced her to my family and friends. The rest was history.

For the last 10 years, I have had the best of times with my friends with her by my side. From our first trip to Nandi hills with the boys to the water falls near Mysore. From the late night drives around Bangalore to the numerous drags and street races, she was all by my side. Never let me down. The best part, she never asked for a thing in return. Just pat her on the tank and talk to her, she would purr into a musical rhythm which would take me to a state of trance.She took me all the way from Chennai to Bangalore one fine morning when i could not find a way to get home. She helped us on all our parties to Pondy and would send shivers down passers by on the ECR (East Coast Road, Chennai) cruising at 145 kph. Many a drunken nights would have been scary if not for her by my side, holding my hand and taking me home to the safety of my cozy bed.

She Taught me the meaning of the words, NO FEAR.

Been there, seen it and done that, All with her by my side!!!

Will surely miss her all my life.