Inner Thoughts

As an adolescent, most of us dreamt of living free. Young blood within would make us a rebel to most things around. Be it our annoying class rooms, the dismal food prepared at home, nagging parents or just simply the schedule of our daily being. As we grow older and take care of our earnings, the daily bragging about how sad our job is and the continuous dismay with our organization is nothing but a feeling of dissatisfaction not with our job or anything; it is something calling from within our head. Living is like serving a life sentence, at a highly protected jail. Or as Morgan Freeman in “Shawshank Redemption” says, we were institutionalized and we don’t have a chance outside.

But I would dream of a life outside. I would want to do something different from what was being done. Obviously most of the people around said that I was just being a cranky adolescent kid. But it was more than that for me and I could not explain the feeling to anyone since I myself could not decipher the thoughts within.

It has taken me a little over 12 years to get a better understanding of what I really want and believe me, the thoughts are not easy to handle or express. In fact, the thoughts are like a storm in our head, sometimes creating waves of thought and other times hidden far away in the back of our head. My thoughts started to be more outwardly towards the world, as I saw the world. There was just one thought running in my head every time I sank into my head.

I wanted to attain peace within and be part of the unselfish natural world. I wanted to connect with nature and submit my entire life to it. I wanted to get away from the cacophony of the institutionalised world.

This thought, although unclear to all of us in our younger days, has crept in almost every individual’s head, at least once in his life. It creeps in as the expression of a rebel in our adolescent days and turns into a more subtle state of denial towards the daily chores we do. Our bond with people and the pain that others may encounter, burry our thoughts deep within and do not allow us to explore our true need.

I am not sure who would have the answers to whether we should do what our heart and mind feels, but I know one thing is for sure, both ways, we ourselves have to walk the path. And that’s why I think the day is not far when we would unshackle the chains and head out to find our true self.

Imagine walking a lonely trail deep within the green forest with the birds chirping and the leaves swaying to create a musical. Your feet crushing the dead leaves and broken twigs and the sound of a stream flowing nearby. As you are thinking of all this, your present state of mind will hit back at you and ask you, how many hours can you do this? Do you think you have an answer? Think again...

The truth is you already have the answer when you asked yourself the question. This question is one of the million questions that act as obstacles to our inner self and the thoughts associated to it.